Wow, it’s really turned up a notch. Third trimester is not for the week. Working through third tri should be classified as torture by the United Nations. When I first went to the physio months ago, she asked me if I had any pelvic pain and I had no idea what she was talking about. Well, now I do – holy hell.

Commuting to and from work is sometimes agony. My hips hurt with every step and I feel like this baby is going to fall out of my vagina at anytime. I sometimes have to hold my belly from the bottom while I walk. I don’t know how I can endure 3 more weeks of this. I am absolutely counting down the days left to parental leave.

My entire life at this point is just home, work and the occasional weekend errand. If I have free time, I will spend it sleeping. A couple of weeks ago, I cried thinking about the time I’m wasting. I should be outside, enjoying the outdoors and being able to do things on a whim, like go to the movies or have dinner out at a restaurant. On my birthday, we had planned to have a dinner out at my favourite Korean bbq place after work, but I was just so flat at the end of the day, that we ended up just staying home and ordering delivery and I fell asleep on my recliner. I wish I had the energy to go out and do fun things. Odin’s telling me to listen to my body and not feel guilty.

On the upside, it’s been fun feeling our little girl grow. Her kicks and wriggles feel sharper and more pronounced, like she has less and less room in there – which only means that we’re getting closer to meeting her. We also had our babymoon / birthday staycation this weekend. It was nice to take a few days off and just rest and enjoy each other’s company. We both really needed it and feel much more recharged now.

The novelty of seeing my body grow and change has not gotten old. Like I look in the mirror and I still can’t believe that’s me. My body is actually able to stretch and accommodate a whole person in there. And not only that, it’s feeding that person, keeping them warm and safe.

Even though I get tired easily and am forced to walk at a glacial pace, I’ve never felt so powerful in my life. Aside from the haemorrhoids, IBS and the galaxy of skin tags that have sprung up everywhere, I think my body feels and dare I say even looks glorious.

Having a baby does something to you, I don’t know exactly what. But it’s a confidence and a courage I never had before. I’ll have my girl to thank someday for giving me this gift.

Third trimester – we made it!

It’s like my body flipped a switch and all of a sudden, I’m uncomfortable and exhausted all of the time. She’s moving a lot more now. Way more than the flutters of second trimester. Now it’s hiccuping, rolling, stretching. I feel a lot heavier too. Commuting to and from work feels like running a marathon. I’m drained by the end of the day and I’m in bed by 9pm.

All complaints aside, as far as pregnancies go, I’m grateful to have a relatively relaxed one. I can’t believe there’s only less than 3 months to go, which will probably just fly by. Even though it’s physically uncomfortable, I’m honestly going to miss this time.

Looking at my friends’ kids, it’s crazy how fast time flies. I remember when they were just born and now some of them are in the fifth grade already. This last week, I felt like crying that I already miss my daughter’s newborn phase – and she’s not even born yet!! But I know those two months will be over before I know it. I hope this at least spurs me to really cherish each second, even though it will be hard.

Next month, Odin and I will be having our last birthday together as just us. We’re planning a nice staycation in the city because he doesn’t want to be too far from the hospital, just in case. We also just bought a new mattress and bed frame, which was well overdue as our current setup is 9 years old and not really the best quality. I’m slowly feeling the urge to nest as well, so that’s something to look forward to.

It’s the last few days of second trimester, the superior of the trimesters. Baby girl has been moving around a lot more now. Sometimes she kicks me right in the bladder and she sends me running to the toilet in the middle of the night. I find a lot of comfort in feeling her though. It’s like she’s letting me know she’s okay and she’s still there.

Yesterday, I was looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, just taking memory notes of what my body looks like at this stage. My breasts have not only grown significantly, but the veins surrounding them are way more visible. I’ve got cellulite appearing on my legs for the first time in the life. My hair has been thicker, my nails have been growing much faster. My fingers are sore when I wake up in the mornings, and my hands are swelling up now that I’ve finally had to take off my wedding ring. My armpits have turned a shade darker. Skin tags appearing out of nowhere. Some nights, I feel like the baby is stretching her legs and pressing up against the walls of my uterus that I feel like I can’t breathe. My internal organs are squished together, and it definitely feels that way. I walk much slower these days because I get winded just by walking. My belly has grown so much and feels so heavy, I can’t imagine how much bigger I’m still going to get. The dark line appearing down the middle of it gets more visible by the day. Every night, I spend time watching the movements below the surface of my skin. Little waves and pokes here and there. Sometimes I press through the skin and I can feel a body part, like a knee, elbow or head. In those moments, I can’t help but imagine finally holding her in my arms.

So many changes, all to accommodate this human being growing inside. Many of these changes are temporary. Some of them will change my body forever. I’m okay with it. This time will pass and I know I will miss it.

It took me years to get here mentally, being ready to face this head on. I just hope that even when I’m in the thick of it, being in the trenches, that I can stop and breathe and remember to take it all in – both the good and bad – to take mental notes of every detail. I want to remember it all.

She seems to have doubled in size in such a short time. And when I say she – I mean both me and the baby, haha. Or have I just not noticed? All of a sudden, this bump seems to reach above my navel now.

I feel huge and heavy, but not in a bad way. I’m constantly amazed at what my body has been able to do these past few months. Like, there is an actual person growing in there and being nourished daily. There’s something empowering about it. I know a lot of people say it’s better to be pregnant at a younger age because you have more energy then – and well, there is truth to that. But I think I’m happy to be going through it now that I’m older and (hopefully) wiser and more at peace with myself, more confident in my decision-making.

There’s three years in between these photos. That’s a lot of growth, experience, and mental health work that went on during that period. Truth is, I actually love both of these bodies. I’m not looking at the left photo sighing, although I feel like an idiot remembering that I thought I was overweight then.

I accept the person I was then and the person I am now. The left version of me was doing necessary repairs and healing. The right version of me is growing and thriving. Both bodies are strong, capable and beautiful in their own ways.

One of the reasons I’m trying to be kinder to and more accepting of myself is because I also want my kid to have a healthy body image. I don’t want her to learn terrible self-image from me. Society already hammers those messages on girls enough as it is. I hope I can keep that crap from infecting her, but I have to walk that talk first.

24 weeks and feeling great. Maybe I’ll revisit this when I reach third trimester and eat my words.

This week, I’ve been feeling more bloated, almost like a whale. I pretty much look like one at this point, if I’m being honest. Weird – I’m oddly at peace with how big I’ve gotten. Combined with the foot injury that kept me on my ass for more than a month, I’m being kinder to myself for not being in the best shape. And at this point, as long as the baby is okay, nothing else matters.

That said, I do miss being active. I miss Pilates and weight training and core exercises and yes, even planks. I know I’ll get back to it someday. This is just a temporary part of my life and it will be a distant dream before I know it. Is it weird that I actually enjoy being pregnant? Well, not the first trimester – hell no. Injury aside, this second trimester has been fun getting to know the kid. She’s been kicking way more this week, to the point that it makes me jump sometimes. I can’t wait to see what she looks like, what her personality will be. There will be plenty of time for that in the years to come. For now, I’ll cherish this time of being the closest I ever will be to her.

I had dinner with my friend Ange the other day. She is also pregnant and is due to give birth in October. It was our first time to see each other as both pregnant and we couldn’t help but burst out cackling when we saw each other’s bumps. What a relief to be going on this journey with a friend, who’s been through the wringer before.

My mom turned 70 yesterday and I was sad to miss out on the surprise party that Dad and Vida planned organised for her. She cried when she was surprised and when she was presented with the cookbook we made as her gift. I’m happy she had a party for a milestone birthday with the people she loves. I look forward to having her here in December when the baby comes.